FREEDOM!!!!!

Well, my business meeting went well last night. I learned a lot about myself and how I've stifled myself at my job. I found out that I would have WAYYY more responsibility if I worked there and they want their employees to learn and grow. They couldn't believe that I wasn't doing more and they think I'm too smart to be wasted at my current job. It really got me thinking and helped me decide that no matter what happens with them, I'm leaving my job as of December at the latest. And that I'm going to Australia in January and if I have to line up a different job before I go, I will, but I'm moving on and moving out. I need to, I need that very much for me!!!!!

So, I'm waiting to hear back from them for another meeting to discuss things further after they've had a chance to talk with each other. It's exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time. I think part of the problem why I'm sick of my job is that I'm extremely bored with it. I'm not challenged in any way and I haven't learned anything new in years. I think that self discovery was the best part of the whole night. It's true and others have told me to leave my job before if I was unhappy and that I owed my bosses no loyalty but it was said in a different manner in a words that made more sense and in a way I was ready to hear. D referenced my father in it and he used to work with my dad. He and dad were Bishops of the YSA wards at the same time and like mom said, he said it in a Bishop like manner which was helpful.

I do know that I haven't been ready for the changes until now, and a good part of that is that I needed time to figure out life after dad. I mentioned I had been in a coma like state for almost a year after dad died. D asked what I meant by that because T had agreed with me and T just said that you'd talk to me and nothing would get through. I would just look blank. But mostly only those who knew me well enough knew how blank I was because they know how alive I really am. That discussion is where I cried. I still miss dad a lot and wish he was here. They were very understanding and I even almost got D choked up cause he loved my dad too.

I feel a great sense of relief with the choices I've made and how I feel about everything. Now I just put in some time and enjoy the rest of my summer and look forward to some big new things ahead.

On a side note. Went to my first Condo meeting for the 7 years I've lived here. It was interesting. I was scared to say something at first but the few things I had issues with I got brave to talk about and things got addressed very nicely. They are some great people we've got in there now and for the first time in years we have a better property manager in charge and work is finally getting done. A few of us brought up some big concerns and we were appreciated and thanked after the meeting. It was quite nice to meet others who live here too. The funniest part was where there were a few Colourful people there, 2 of them. They brought up in appropriate things and argued over stuff that wasn't even worth arguing and no one was going to change anyway. It was ridiculously pointless. One was even arguing on the way out the door which was odd because they had decided to keep it the same which is what he wanted anyway. Cracks me up people sometime. Definitely worth going to check out though!!! I got a good laugh at least!!!!

The Suspense Is Getting To Me

Well, things have been pretty good, but stressful lately. The day after I last blogged I went to a wedding reception of a friend of mine and T was there. I was so happy to see him. I went and talked with him about stuff and told him I wanted to come and made sure that the job was mine no matter what. He was like ya, of course!! Then he said that he wanted me to email him with dates that I could go for dinner with him and his partner D and also to write up a proposal. I was like huh? Seriously? He wanted me to let him know what I wanted to do for work, like what parts of the job I did and didn't want to do anymore, and what my salary expectations were etc so we had a negotiating point to start with. I couldn't believe it. I get to choose what I want to do for work? I don't have to do every single awful, dreadful, horrible thing that comes in? Wow!!! That would be nice!!!!

So that Sunday I talked with my sisters and got some ideas from them. Shelley helped me come up with some good salary and benefits plans and I looked up some jobs and what they were paying. Imagine my surprise when I saw that the starting wage for a job doing exactly what I'm doing now was the wage I'm currently getting paid after 7 years of working here. The wage range was mine to $20,000 more than mine depending on experience and qualifications. HOLY CRAP!!!!! I fit all of the qualifications plus 7 years of experience in EVERYTHING CRAPPY. So I put a range of 10-20 grand more than my current wages just because I deserve it. I listed what I currently do and don't do around the office and what I'd like to do and not do when I go. It was kind of fun to list the things and get a say in my work. It was a bit long but it worked.

That Wednesday I sent it off to T and he thought it looked great and originally set up a dinner appointment for tonight, but the next day had to postpone it till the 28th. So I am sitting around nervously waiting to go check out the office, discuss my proposal and then go for dinner. I'm a little embarrassed to talk about the proposal and stuff but I'll have to get over that. My boss still hasn't responded to them and written back about selling, which is going to make this so hard. After I get the terms of the deal settled, which includes 6 weeks off to go to Australia in January!!!!!, I'm going to have to tell my boss that I'm leaving here when our lease is up. I'm terrified to do it. I know it's the right thing to do and I'm praying every day that I can have the strength to do this.

It's so hard, and after all they've done for me it's even more difficult, but I need to do this for me. My life needs to move on. I need to be in a place where I'm not the only one relied upon for all of the office work. I need to have better vacation times and be able to take off in the middle of tax season without it being a hard thing. I need to be able to come in to work and not worry if J's having an emotional day or not. I mean even just last week she came in for just an hour and she was on the verge of tears making it hard to even want to be there.

So, things are FANTASTIC, but waiting around for the 28th is hard. Plus knowing I have to tell my bosses and procrastinating that, getting harder. So, lots of tension and stress, but it's all good tension and stress. Happy days are ahead, I just have to continue to be patient, and we all know how much I LOVE being patient. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YA RIGHT!!!!!!

Good News?????

Well, life has thrown all sorts of twists and turns and craziness over the last week. It's been good, but shocking and exciting too. On the work side, things are good and stressful. Last week my boss over lunch brought up my friend T and asked if he still worked where he did. We discussed that a little. I was very careful not to tell him T and I have been talking some. That same day T had emailed me to say we needed to go for lunch/dinner to plan for my work future. That got me excited. Then this week I did some investigating to find out where things were.

My boss still hasn't talked with T's people yet (well as of yesterday anyway) and had been talking with someone else. They had discussed "renting office space" with then intention of eventually selling out and phasing my boss out. My boss turned it down since it's located downtown and after picking the brain of a few clients realizing most of them wouldn't stay at that location. I wouldn't either. So whether D sells to T or goes to another place I'm out. I wasn't going to leave if he just rented his own office space and it was still him, his wife and I, but if he "rents" from another accountant they have techs there. I don't feel an obligation and I want to go where I know I'll be happy. I just need T to email me back so I can secure my new job and then maybe talk to D.

Last weekend was fun. I had an enjoyable time and the SA conference. Some of it was totally cheesy, as usual, but we danced and partied it up good. I had a few good things happen ;-) and a few creepy things too. Nothing exciting. Sunday night was really fun. My good friend J called me and we talked till 2 am. So much fun. I haven't seen him for 2 years so we had some to catch up on. Only reason we even hung up at 2 am was the fact his cordless phone was dying. He's coming up tomorrow for a friends wedding. He's one of the groomsmen and I'm helping serve the punch. The nice thing is the wedding reception is in the afternoon so we can hang out all night.

So somethings are looking up, but until everything is a little more settled I'm still stressed. I'm managing to sleep OK but I don't have much of an appetite for sure. October is coming up soon and I need to figure stuff out. The best news is I get to go visit E, J, V, and A in Australia in January. That's when I'm planning on going and hopefully soon can book my tickets. J even liked the sound of the trip and he might join me and have fun there too. Life is good and I'm pretty dang happy!!!!

OH!!!!!!! and I forgot to mention the best or craziest part of the news. Mom called me last week to inform me that my nephew and his wife of just over a year are expecting a baby in December and making her officially a great-grandmother. That makes me a Great Aunt. HOLY CRAP I FEEL OLD!!!!!!!

Laughed till I cried and almost peed!!!!

OK, I finally decided to do something fun for myself a couple of months ago and bought tickets to go see the Scottish comedian Danny Bhoy. I learned about him from my boss and watched some stuff on YouTube and thought he was so funny. I found out he was coming here and bought 2 tickets right away. So, last night Felisha and I went to go see his show at the Winspear center. Oh my goodness I thought I was going to die laughing.

The show was fantastic and I got laughing so hard I had tears. I had to hold back some or I could have really lost it and been laughing so hard I wouldn't have been able to breathe (quite a funny scene to watch me like that but not necessarily in public). I was so glad I had gone to the bathroom too because I'm sure I could have peed myself at some point. Felisha was laughing just as hard. Afterwards I bought the DVD he had (only $20) and then stood in line to meet him and have him sign it. That was fun too. So worth every penny.

So if you can handle some good humour, a little bit of language (he is Scottish after all) you would love him. There are some good clips on YouTube and he writes some funny things on his blog page too. Go to http://www.dannybhoy.com/dannybhoy/ and be prepared to laugh. I hope you enjoy it, and if not, that's okay too. Everyone has their own sense of humour. He just happens to appeal to mine.

Stress = Insomnia

Well, I've definitely figured out some of my sleeping issues. Last night I slept better for the first time in almost 2 weeks. I got a little bit of a relief about the job stress. There has been some communication again between them, but that is on hold for a bit, but knowing there is communication again relieves my mind. I'm able to feel a little better and pray harder that things end up going well and that the new job thing will happen this year.

Also, the crazy dreams that afflicted me a couple of weeks ago have had a somewhat resolve. Found out a couple of things that just put the crazy thoughts to rest and now I'm not thinking about it. It's just so funny to me that the stress is there during the day and I might complain about it but I never really physically feel it at all, that is until I try to sleep. I had a nap after work yesterday and then didn't go to bed till about 1am but, I feel more awake and vibrant today than I did all day yesterday. I crashed and burned so bad yesterday I could hardly do anything at work. I was lucky to survive. I'm just glad today is a better day and now, I just need to catch up on the last 10 days of sleepless nights.

Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh

This is how I feel today UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There, now I got it out. Things have been going crazy. So many things, so many stresses. The only reason I'm somewhat happy today is that I don't have to work today. I'm enjoying just sitting around being peaceful. I've already been to the Chiropractor, and am currently chilling while doing laundry. It's helping get rid of some frustrations.

Yesterday at work was another bad day. Got a phone call from a client who's been driving us crazy. We've already talked to him a billion times over the last month and on one of his "visits" he said they had changed some numbers. I was very firm in saying they can't do that and once they give us the info that's it, it goes untouched or it screws it all up. So he got me the new account balances and I thought things were straight. My boss finally finished the company's stuff and then he calls yesterday saying he had gotten a message from their bookkeeper that she had finished fixing all of the 2009 numbers. He's not sure what she meant and she was gone for the day. I was like, well, you're going to have to tell her to undo what she did because you can't do that after we've gotten it and we've already finished it. I was so frustrated. I asked J&D for a gun and any target to shoot. J was nice enough to send me home at that point. It was 2:30 by then.

So, that was the start to my long weekend. I also have very sore calves today. We did an exercise Wednesday called death by calves and I was fine Wednesday, hurt a little yesterday, and want to die today. It's all good though. I also injured my shoulder a bit Wednesday but that's on the mend too. The only other frustrating thing (than my crappy job and the crappy situation there of maybe not moving on) is how stupid dreams are keeping me awake at night. I had a dream last week, and it was the same dream over and over. Same people, same basic scenario just maybe different locations.

I can't remember it all but it's been driving me crazy lately. It's causing me too think too much over stupid stuff that doesn't mean anything and shouldn't be important but now it's there, it's in my mind and I'm going nuts. I shouldn't even go there but my dreams did which now means it won't leave my head and it's been contributing in part to my sleepless nights. Thinking too much is never a good thing. It can be quite hazardous to your health.

So today, I'm trying to clear my head, stop thinking and enjoy the beautiful day that it is outside. I'm going out with the girls tonight to do some oogling and giddy girls night. Tomorrow, lunch with a friend (which is always a blast and usually lasts a few hours). Life is strange, confusing, frustrating but good. I just hope it only gets better from here!!!

Panic Attack!!

I'm starting to get very scared. Over lunch today J happened to mention that her and her husband went "office space" shopping on Sunday. That scared the crap out of me. I have no idea what this means. I don't want them to continue working. I am losing my mind. This tax season has been one of the hardest ones for me to survive. J is getting so bad to deal with and I'm not sure how much longer I can take this.

Now, I love my bosses, they have been so good to me, I am just so ready for a change and I don't think I can tell them I'm leaving. I'm too loyal and I know if I leave they have to sell. I don't know how to do that to them. I have started hating my job everyday and that's not a good thing for me. Even when I had days where I went home early I was hating it. I also need to be in a place where I can go away whenever I want and not just during the months of June to August. That is so confining and making it hard to want to go anywhere. I need some changes.

I would love to buy a house in the next two years and I know where I am I won't be able to do that either. I got desperate and emailed T about it today too asking if there was anything he could do to help to remind D that the offer is there. I just about started to cry I'm so frustrated. I just need a change of scenery so bad. I feel very stuck in life right now.

It doesn't help that I have been struggling with other decisions in my life that are keeping me awake at night. I hate it when I think too much. Keeps me awake at night. So, here's hoping and praying that things go well for me. I'm not sure how much longer I can stay here at this job, and the possibility of it going on for a year or two scare me to death. Pray for me that it all goes well and I'm able to have the changes I so desperately need to move forward in life. Every other decision seem to hang on this one thing and it's driving me nuts because I'm not making any progress. Inhale, Exhale, just breathe and I'll make it through.....somehow.