TIME OUT!!!!!

OK, wait a minute, I call a time out. I started doing it again, just because I'm my mother's daughter. I started doing things for everyone else and not because I want to do them. For example, a friend had a party a couple of weeks ago, but I had something earlier I was going to so, typical me went to both. I would have preferred to stay longer at the first and then go home early or something, and I DON'T regret my decision at all because I had a lot of fun, but it wasn't my plan. Then I really had a breakthrough realization this weekend. I went and ordered my new glasses on Friday with my mom, they are so cute and I'm so excited to get them, but then I went out Friday night. My sister's were at mom's house and I took off to go out, which I had plans to do anyway. I had been at mom's long enough I wanted to go out that night.

Then Saturday I had slept in and was just hanging around moms. My sister's came over and we were having fun. Then I got a call to go check out a store, and, and, and, and, and. When it came to deciding for an early movie I backed out and just stayed at moms (long story but I had managed to get back there). Then I got another call to see Transformers. I said I would only go if it were a late one anyway. I am just burnt out. I discovered yesterday that I was running around for everyone. I mean, on the way to Ty's house to meet up before the movie, I had just picked Em up off of Whyte Ave and I got a text from him asking if I was passing a grocery store on my way cause they could use dish soap and a sponge. He and his roommate had just moved from St. Albert to Mill Creek area. Now, if I hadn't had the realization day I would have gone the extra 8 blocks to the Safeway at Bonnie Doon mall and got it but really, that was me doing too much cause he wouldn't have cared either way. It was me who would have cared so I was just like HA, ya right, forget it.

So, lesson learned. I mean, that's partly why I'm going to Scotland this summer. Every single vacation I've ever taken has been someone else's vacation. Even going to Utah to visit my sister was hers. You end up doing what she wants a lot. Going to BC was for Ali, and then the next year for Fee, both times I loved it though. Cuba especially was for my brother, although it was nice to go somewhere besides Alberta, BC, Montana and Utah. This time, it's for me, and what I want, when I want. I'm looking forward to that part of it too. I got some books that gave me some ideas and honestly, I may not go in half the museums and places, but HOLY COW, they look gorgeous from the outside. I can't wait to go for long walks and get pictures of it all. This is going to be the best vacation ever. I am so glad I did this for me. This is so deserved, but I just have to remember that, in the mean time, I am doing what I want to do and not what I think others want me to do.

This is my life and I have to live it for me and not to please everyone else. I mean, just because I think that others want me to do it doesn't mean they care if I don't go. So, that's it, I remember again and it's time for me to be me for me!!! I look forward to enjoying the rest of my summer and doing what I choose. I made that choice tonight even, just staying and having fun with the family and not rushing off cause I had a friend who wanted me to come hang out cause they were bored. I'm so proud of myself. I could have even gone over after I left my family's, but it was 9 and I wanted to go home. I'm still tired from staying up late last night. Transformers ended at 1:15 am so by the time I drove everyone home and got home myself it was 2:30 am and had 9am church. Anyway, so for now, all i can think is Yippee, I get my new glasses soon, and Zip-i-dee-do-da, cheer for miles, I leave in 25 days!!!!!!

Testing the limits

Today was a day of tests, and I mean that in more ways than one.
First, the test of patience. I was driving around today I swear all the other idiots were out to kill me. I was going around a traffic circle and I was on the inside lane and trying to exit off when some idiot pulled in the outside lane going 2 exits and didn't yield to me LIKE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO. I honked at him for not letting me through and then he pushed through, drove off, and gave me the finger. Oh man, if I wasn't in a hurry...... UGH!!!!!

Second, the test of colour. I had my belt testing today. I was a little nervous but I felt that I could only do what I knew and the rest would go from there. For one of the first times, as I was standing there before doing my form I didn't even feel butterflies like usual. I actually felt calm and collected. I was pretty impressed. I actually felt confident in doing my form too.

The self-defense portion kind of sucked, but that was mostly due to who I was partnered with. He didn't know the sweeps very well at all and in turn that cause me to do a poor job. I was hoping to be paired with Stephanie, but alas, such was not the case this time. She and I would have totally gone for it and kicked each other's trash and been great. We had been practicing a lot together too, so I would have been much more confident with her. Then came sparring. That's always a fun one. At one point I got partnered with a kid. I mostly took it easy on him, but I did manage to kick him in the head. He's just the right height and he made it just too easy. Normally I get paired with the taller guys and my legs just don't kick that high. We went for "drinks" after and had a blast just all sitting around and chatting. It definitely is a fun group to be with. I did find out that I passed so in a couple weeks I'll have my blue belt which means I'm in the advanced ranks now. This is where it starts to get really hard.

Third, a test of memory. While I was out for drinks, I got a call from my mom about something I had forgotten to deliver yesterday. It was supposed to be a favour to her, but it ended up being an annoyance because she had to come meet me where I was so that she could get the stuff done in time for tomorrow. That one is the most embarrassing for me. I am known as the "reliable one" in the family and this just made me feel silly. I really had a hard time of letting go of the stupid feeling I had over this one.

Fourth, a test of strength and car skills. As I was driving the block and a half from the Taekwondo school to the restaurant I heard something outside. Guess what it was!!! Yup, I had a flat tire. I had mentioned it when I went in to the restaurant and some people said they'd help but I forgot about it until after. We were the some of the last to leave and stopped in the washroom on our way out so by the time we got out everyone had gone. So, I did what my dad taught me, I changed the tire. I already knew how to do it from my dad. He taught me how to change the oil in the car when I was 15 or 16 years old. I know how to fix all kinds of things. Dad mostly had girls and Dave was married by the time I was 9 so dad needed someone to help him fix and do everything around the house. It was usually Karen and me as Diana just wasn't good at reading dad's mind, and you needed to to be able to work with him. So I started to change the tire. I was having problems loosening the bolts when Mr. Ford came out. He and the other leaders had been having a meeting at the same restaurant. He helped me get it so I could step on it to remove them. He was too dressed up to help so I was fine with doing it on my own. After I had 3 of the bolts removed the other guys (leaders & black belts) came out. They offered to help but I was like, I've pretty much done most of the work. But when Mr. Dugmoore came around and really got involved I let him take over and finish the job. Sometimes, you just have to let guys feel like guys and that they're helping girls out. They like to. I was appreciative, even though, at that point, I could have totally finished the job myself.

Fifth was a test of willpower. This one I completely lost. We headed to West Ed to look around and maybe see a movie. HA, ya right. So as we're walking to Build a Bear for Em to check out one she had her eye on, we passed Bath and Body works. Now, I thought I could control myself until I saw the country apple soap. The brought out the new irresistible apple last year to replace country apple but I don't like it. But since they were trying to get rid of old stock I totally stocked up on the country apple, and in doing so justified buying some other stuff too. Then we went to Build a Bear where Em managed to buy two, yes two, bears. The horse, because it was the literal last one they'll ever have, and then the snow leopard because that was why she wanted to go. Somehow, I saw one I thought was cute and was going to walk away, but I totally got peer pressured. We did have fun though and came up with some cute names. The horse is Prince, the snow leopard is Lolita Freckles, and then my tie-dyed bear is, now get this, it's the best name ever, Doctor Scottie MacD. hahahahahaha, you have to know the secrets behind that one. His nickname for short is Scottie MacHottie. So Em now has 6 of them. I have 3 but only cause I got North, a polar bear, from Em for my birthday, and then I share Lucky Min with Em and Jenn (see Sisterhood of the travelling Panda from Sept of last year). Lucky Min is even coming with me to Scotland and Em and I are going to look for a Kilt for him to wear LOL!!!

So, that is my day of tests. Not bad for a day when all I had planned was my belt testing. Definitely a fun and worthwhile day though!!!

As if I wasn't already excited enough....

So the friends of mine that were telling me all about Scotland and where to go just got home the other day. They have since proceeded to post some of their pictures of their trip. They even got to go to the Doctor Who exhibit at the museum. Can I just say that now I am even more excited than ever that I get to go!!!!! All it did was get me even more giddy that I get to see some of those spectacular sites. They had pictures of parks, museums, castles and all kinds of stuff from Edinburgh and Glasgow on there, all of which I'm going to see. I honestly truly can hardly believe I'm going. Right now it just seems like such a fantasy and doesn't even seem remotely real. Until I'm packing up that Thursday night and heading to the airport I don't know if I'll truly ever believe that I'm actually doing this.

Can I just say too that I am so grateful for the Internet. It's how I got all my deals on airfare, hotels and bookings for the stuff I'm going to do while in Scotland. It even helped me today. I had gone to Costco to buy a new 8gig SD card for my new camera. They had the cards there 2 weeks ago, but today the only 8gig cards were Compact Flash ones and not SD ones. So I thought about it and looked on the net and happened to find the exact SD one I needed at Costco.ca. Totally saved me. They're usually like 60 bucks or so (sometimes 75 or 80) but this one was $5 off for $34.99 which is a pretty fantastic price for an 8 gig one. I'm pretty happy with myself. The Internet is also how I did all of the research I needed to for the camera I bought and chose, and where the cheapest place to buy it was. It also helps that I know where to go and what to look for. I like that I'm computer literate which totally helps when I'm doing stuff like this.

Life is still fantastic and now I only have 34 days to wait!!!! I just hope I can contain myself with the excitement that's just on the edge and about to boil over!!!!

Life is Fantastic!!!

I don't really have a lot to say, or have a lot going on really, I just feel that life is fantastic. I don't even have anything special going on either. I'm just in a place where I need to be, both head space wise and everything. It helps when every one is doing well too, but I've also been getting rid of things that stress me out. My whole life this year has been evolving and changing and I'm liking the direction it's taking me in. I've discovered more about myself and what I want to be surrounded with. I'm focusing more on different things and am spending less time with some stuff. To be honest I don't really know how to explain a lot of it. I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be at this moment, but it's exactly where I need to be. I've just felt the need to spend more time with my family and stuff lately, and I have, and it's been good. If you listen to the first couple of lines to the first song that plays it says " I gotta feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night" and I really truly feel that. I've had a lot of good nights lately, and people who've been there to make them even better. I just wish I could explain in words why I feel this way but I do. I think there is even so much more to come this year and I'm looking forward to every minute of it, especially the flight I have in 37 days LOL!!! That's where it's all going to change.

Friday's off are still not mine!!!

Well, today was my second Friday off since the summer started this year and I still have not been able to sleep in and do what I need to. Thursday night Karen called me and asked if I would take Veronica to school at 830 am today because she is really really sick. So, on my day off I got up early, drove Veronica to school in my pj's. Then went back to Karen's and helped her get Cache ready, picked up clothes and stuff for me, showered at moms and watched kids all day. Cache came with me at 1130 to get Veronica. Then came lunch and naps, thank goodness, in which time I prepared my Sunday School lesson.

After naps was bathing suits and sprinkler for the kids. Then I got roped into a second walk (I'd had one in the morning with Cache) and then at 5 drove Karen and the kids home again. I had such high hopes to clean my house and sleep in today before heading to moms for laundry and help with my lesson. Somehow, that just didn't pan out. Thank goodness tomorrow the only thing I have planned is a Single Adult activity at 7:30 pm so I can sleep in and HOPEFULLY work out and clean my house. I'm slipping further and further behind and it's driving me nuts. I'm walking through a maze of stuff in my living room. My bedroom is clean at least, but my living room has clean laundry folded in a basket waiting to be put away from 2 weeks ago, newly cleaned laundry waiting to be folded. Then a small suitcase half unpacked of stuff from last weekend and a bunch of just little clutter things that just plain need to be thrown out, put away or dealt with in some manner.

So, wish me luck and hope that I can get things done. If I don't I may actually go insane. I'm not too far off after the night I had. I got a mild concussion last night from Taekwondo. I got thrown down too hard and landed completely wrong. I was having VERY blurry vision before bed, had a HUGE migraine which pain killers didn't touch at all and had SEVERE nausea to the point where I had to force myself to stay in bed cause if I got up and got anywhere near the toilet I'd for sure puke in it. I barely slept cause I was sure that if I didn't wake up often enough I'd be in trouble. If I didn't know how much worse it would have hurt I would have cried myself to sleep. All I could think about all night was how much I wish dad were still around or that I had a husband because I really really needed a blessing and couldn't call anyone. It was 1am for crying out loud on a work/school night. I would have totally called dad in a heart beat but he's not around and man, to only have a husband around. That's the one thing about being single that TOTALLY sucks, not having the priesthood in my home. I really miss that and wish I had that.

My brother's friend, who's not a member of the church, was my roommate in Cuba and somehow we got talking about dating. I mentioned something about not dating and marrying outside of the church and she couldn't believe it and wouldn't understand it. With some of the things she said I couldn't explain to her how important it was for me. She wasn't listening and wouldn't have gotten how important a temple marriage and those covenants are to me and how much I want a worthy priesthood holder in my home. She said something about how what if I married a guy who wasn't a member and didn't care how I raised the kids and let me raise them Mormon, but it's not enough. I want a guy who can do those special things that would truly make it a Celestial home. That is more important to me than just being married to any old guy. Well, all I keep thinking is that hopefully, one day soon my prince will come.

Now, to end on a lighter note I'm going to add a few cute pics from the day. The kids were quite funny when they weren't arguing. I'm just glad I could help Karen out. She was really rough by the time I drove her home and she had spent all day in mom's bed. It's even harder since she's pregnant too. I just hope she feels better soon.

Too much on the brain

I have way too much going on in my head right now. As I'm sitting here at worked bored out of my mind I'm trying to memorize my form for Taekwondo. I have testing next Saturday and don't feel ready for it at all. At least I have tonight and a whole other week to get it down pat. I kind of missed a lot being gone from class for 2 1/2 weeks with my brother's wedding and all. So I have all of that information going through my head. I still have to learn my self-defense for it too, which is sweeps. I'll be lucky to pass those.

Then I have all kinds of stuff going through my head about life. Mostly I'm getting antsy to leave for Scotland. It is officially 6 weeks from today that I leave. I can hardly contain the anticipation. Mostly I'm just looking forward to getting away and having an adventure. It's a whole new world I've never experienced. I've never gone on vacation alone before and to go somewhere so foreign to me alone is a frightening but exciting experience. I'm a real homebody and don't take these kind of risks. It's definitely going to be life altering. I may never have "normal" vacations again. I may continue to do crazy things. My sister Shelley hadn't heard that I was going until this past Sunday. You should have seen the crazy look she gave me when she found out that I was going alone. She said it was something she'd never do but she doesn't know that for sure. Maybe if she was 32 and still single and felt she needed to go she might. She'll never know.

Three years ago Kathy and Diana had been saying that I'm the adventure girl in the family because I drove to Salt Lake all by myself and it was the second time I had done it and that they'd NEVER do that. I simply told them they can't say that and that if they were me and were single and it was the only option they had that they might do the same thing. When they really thought about it they agreed. You never know what you're going to do and what you would do until you're in that same situation yourself. I never thought that I could still live and be happy at 32 and single. I'm not cut out for the working life (thank goodness I have the easiest job in the world) and thought I'd be married with kids by now, but alas, such is not the case. You do what you have to do until.....and then you keep doing it some more. Life is what it is, and I've accepted that so I might as well embrace it full force and enjoy myself. This is definitely my year for adventure and changes. I've seen a lot of changes so far and know there are many more to come and I look forward to each and every one, but I'm still counting down ;). I have to, it's exciting right????

Waiting for the Day!!

You know, some days I just wait for the day when I no longer have to work. It's not because my job is hard at all. In fact, it's quite the opposite. For the last two weeks I've had hardly anything to do every single day, and since the bosses wife isn't coming in I have to stay and be the phone girl etc, etc. Things in my house are so far behind, I'm behind on sleep and could really use a few good days at home to put things in order. Plus I'm running around doing stuff for others and getting some running around done for my Scotland trip. It doesn't help that I went away again last weekend for the mid-singles conference in Calgary. It meant the house got further behind and I have more crap to unpack. I would just love to stay at home and run the house. There are so many things I can accomplish.

Last Friday, on my day off, I didn't get half of them done since I was running around doing errands before I left town. One of them was buying a newer, nicer, smaller camera for my Scotland trip (6 weeks and counting). It just seems like such a waste to sit there and do nothing when there is a lot I could do else where. I would way rather have a ton of work to do and go nuts cause it's busy at the office. The nice thing is I do have Friday's off so I'm hoping that I can get a lot done this Friday when I don't have to work.

In the meantime, I had a really fun time in Calgary over the weekend. I ran in to some old friends I haven't seen in a long time and it was fun to catch up with them. It was definitely worth going and it was a lot more relaxing staying in a hotel rather than trying to share a bathroom and shower with 6 other girls. Definitely went the smart way this year!! Here are some of the pictures I got from the weekend too.