To add to crazy things........

So, on top of everything else I already do I have decided to start learning Spanish. Not quite sure why but I've kind of wanted to for years and I figured I might as well right? I already know a fair bit of French seeing as I took 9 years of it in school and was writing essay's, although poorly, by the end of grade 12. That was, however, in 1994 when I graduated high school and I never was very good at carrying on conversations with it. So my knowledge of French is going to be both a help and a pain when it comes to learning Spanish. As I've discovered with what I've learned so far, there is a lot similar, but just enough different to confuse my brain every once in a while. I'm taking the self taught route, with the help of a friend who knows Spanish, seeing as I have NO TIME to attend any classes. As it is I have to remember to stop by the gun store this weekend to pick up the book I need to have for my class on Dec 6th.



Most of my friends think I'm a little crazy taking so much on but I'd rather be very very busy than bored for even a minute. Work has slowed down some which has helped and yet not helped. I've had a few days where I've had nothing to do and I feel like I'm going insane. I'm also sick again which isn't helping the exercise routine I added to my mornings. Oh ya!!! Forgot to mention that one. I am now getting up at 5:30 every morning to work out to my Turbo jam. There's cardio, toning, abs, etc and it's totally awesome and I have a schedule to work with it. So I have that on top of my Taekwondo to keep me athletic. But, being sick this week it hasn't worked out as well as I'd hoped. It's mostly in my lungs, which, when added to my asthma problems makes it really hard to breathe really fast. I'm hoping to get better soon so that I can get back into the swing of things.

It seems everyone around me is getting excited for Christmas. Well, usually I am too, but this year I'm getting excited about my birthday first. I don't really do anything for my birthday but go out for dinner with my friends and kinda lazy around, but this year I've decided to have some fun. I haven't had a party for a while and thought I should. The last one I really had was 2 years ago my sister threw me a birthday party and then I did a New years Eve get together with some girlfriends, but that was in 2006, which was a rough year. It was the year that my dad had health problems on and off for all 12 months, and they could never figure out what it was and then he passed away on Dec 30th, and yes, still did the New Years Eve party. Of course I did, it's such a me thing to do. I needed to have fun at that point. So, I'm taking matters into my own hands and I hope a bunch of people show up. My mom is letting me use her house, thank goodness, because mine is just too small and she has the pool table and such. I think it will be awesome if it goes right. I had a party in January of 2005 that totally rocked and I'm hoping to have the same kind of fun this time. So, I'll have time to get excited for Christmas after I rock it out me style for my birthday. OH YA!!!!!!!

One Step at a Time/License to Shoot

Well, things didn't go exactly as I had hoped with the job changes. My boss decided to put retirement on hold for about two more years, basically when our lease is up. He still likes the offer and will probably go to them when he's ready, just not yet. At first I was really upset and then I wondered what I was going to do with my life. I've been feeling very stagnant in life lately. I've been at the same job for exactly 5 years now, in my same condo for 5 1/2 years and doing what I feel is the same thing over and over and over again. I was kind of relying, a little too much probably, on the new job to add some excitement and much needed change in my life.

In talking, over texting, with a friend that day he said I should keep my life busy with other things and learn something new. He suggested we take the hand gun course together. He already has his unrestricted license and has a bunch of shot guns and rifles so this will be something fun to do to get our restricted licenses. I have to take my unrestricted course first and I'm doing that on Dec 6th. Very very excited. Then we'll go for the first restricted class we can in January. Something fun to shake life up.

That same night, the Sisterhood came over and reeled it into me about what I really want to do. I don't know if I want to necesarily do what I'm doing for forever and work for someone. I'd really love to work from home and travel around for what I do. I'm a social butterfly and working in an office all day isn't something I love. I hate being cooped up. So, I'm going to look into trying to get some clients and maybe start building up some sort of bookkeeping thing from home. Not exactly sure how I'm going to do it but the first step is making the decision. Now I just have to find the time to follow through with it. I'm keeping very busy these days. I just need to figure out what the next step is. I may still have to work for a few more years for other people, but I'm hoping to at least start getting this going for my sake.

So, those are the things I have going for me on top of my busy schedule of Taekwondo and institute and other such things. I'm really enjoying the Taekwondo though. I just got my Yellow belt Saturday. I didn't do as well as I wanted and got paired with the wussy for self-defense but managed to at least look good enough for my part of it. The colours are White, Orange, Yellow, Camoflage, Green, Purple, Blue, Brown, Red, recommended black and black (I think). I just got my yellow belt and testing for the next one is in two months again. I'm loving every minute of it. It's fun to kick butt. I'm hoping to work hard enough to achieve that black belt in 2 or 3 years too. I know I can do it. Lots of practice and hard work!!!!!!

THIS IS SUCH A FREAKING AWESOME GOOD YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Must Not Fear!!!!!

Well, I've done it again. Apparently I have a huge issue with fear that I really really really need to let go of. The last couple of days the light bulb went on and I'm starting to get what's wrong. My stomach has been bugging me for over a week and it hasn't been my normal stress reaction so I didn't think it was stress. It definitely isn't the flu or I'd be flat on my back in bed and really puking. Sunday it was really really bad and I thought I was going to lose it. That was the night I cried myself to sleep I couldn't do it anymore. I barely slept that night too since I had to sleep sitting up cause if I laid down, ya, I'll stop there before I really gross you out.

Monday I finally asked for and got help from a friend, thanks Tyler. Ya, I'm really really stubborn and I'll help anyone at anytime with anything but really bad at asking for help. When help is offered I scoff at it and figure I can do it on my own, but this time I couldn't and it's better for me to actually ask. It didn't hurt that someone said to me something along the lines of.... I would help anyone of my friends with anything because that's who I am, and I should let others do the same for me. I just always figured that if I couldn't do it on my own it was showing some sign of weakness. Then I was asked, could I really do it on my own and I finally admitted I couldn't anymore. I blame my dad for my stubbornness. Ask my mom, it's true.

So my stomach is still pretty bad and I'm hardly eating, but trying to, however I have a new outlook on it. By Sunday I didn't think I could do it anymore, but after talking with a couple of really good friends and figuring out some of what is going on and getting the help I desperately needed I feel that even if the stomach thing continues for another 6 months, which it might with what's going on, I can survive and handle anything. I'm still ready to run to the bathroom at any minute and just....... ya not pretty, but I can continue to live through it.

I also figured out the reason that it's a different feeling than previous stresses is the kind of stress. Normally I get all butterfly in the stomach and my metabolism speeds up and stuff. This is just a huge huge pit in my stomach, severe nausea, a new experience for me. I'm pretty sure this time it's not just the stresses of life, which I didn't think were too bad, it's the fear that's associated with those stresses. I have some BIG BIG changes coming in life soon and what that means to me scares me. It opens a whole world of possibilities and steps I want to take but am scared to. I thought those choices were a few years away but all of a sudden they've been thrown directly at me. I'm also partly afraid that these changes mean this is it, this is my life and it's all it's ever going to be and amount to. Now, I know it's dumb to think that way, but I tend to think dumb things sometimes. It's wonderful and I know without a doubt that the Lord has been watching out for me and this is a great step for my future, my career and my life, it's just not quite what I expected or planned, especially so quickly. I have always struggled with the fear issue and with this it's even bigger than ever. I am very very excited for these changes and know it's the right thing, I just hope I survive it all. So that's my goal this week, is to try and get past the fear. Heck, it's beyond just being afraid, it's gone into the realm of FREAKING TERRIFIED!!!!! Oh well, that seems to be how my life goes some days. I just hope the good news keeps continuing and more life changes come. I've been feeling stagnant with it all and need it shaken up a bit, I'm just not good with change at all, but I'm learning to deal. That's what I'm here for right????

Why I hate the fall, and no, it's not the weather

So, this is my life right now. We have so many companies that have June, July and August year ends that I am going nuts. We even have some late April and Mays to still come in which makes work life even more fun, NOT!!!!! So as you can see from some of my pictures I took, I'm swamped. This time of year is always bad. I go from being very very bored in the summer, with not much to do, only working 4 days a week and sometimes getting off at noon, to 5 days a week of pure work HELL. Thank goodness for Salary not hourly pay though, don't work overtime but still get paid to go home early. In this picture you see my desk and floor. My desk is covered in work and the ones at my feet are waiting for info to finish them or they are the ones I am currently working on.

This picture is of the stacks and stacks of work waiting to be done that I haven't even looked at yet. It's not even a true representation because in one of the tubs are 5 companies so pretend there were four more tubs, plus the ones under my desk, and that is truly truly how much work I have to do right now. Plus on top of the filing cabinet are two companies that I have to do the bookkeeping for, one of them by Thursday. AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

This last picture is my list of work. The left side is my work to be done. The right side is my bosses list. It's how we keep track of who has which companies and when they're done, they're off the board YAY!!!!! I know the pic's blurry but I figured I "should" do that cause clients, blah, blah, blah..... Anyway, I had three more companies plus one of the bookkeeping show up today and I kept teasing my bosses wife that I was going to crawl under a rock and start crying because of how much was there. I was kidding of course. If you count, I have 17 companies to work on. It just never ends. One of the big ones came in today but it's easy to do and has 5 affiliated companies that are already in that I haven't gotten to yet and the big one has to be done pretty quick since Papa goes down south for the winter. That's tomorrow's project so I'm hoping to get all 6 done tomorrow since they're all pretty easy. That will lighten the load a ton. I am already looking forward to my much needed two weeks off at Christmas and every holiday in between!!!!

Two D!(*$ and an @$$

Honestly, do guys really think that we are so dumb? I was out with the sisterhood tonight and we were sharing stories. Well, mostly Jenn was venting about how stupid guys are and what jerks she has run into lately, as have we all. The antics that some of these guys have pulled over the last few days have stunned me beyond any sort of understanding. I mean what kind of idiot thinks it's ok to go on a date with a girl still when he has a new girlfriend? Then another guy who completely ruins a night by being a complete jerk and very disrespectful. I mean, just because you are just friends with a girl doesn't mean you shouldn't treat her like a lady. I have many guy friends who treat me like one of the guys, and yet still stay respectful to me.

On the way from dinner to the movie Em comes up with that his has been the year of 2 Dic#$ and and A$$. I lost it completely. It was so bad that the hyena even came out. When we got to the parking lot it was so bad Jenn could hear me laughing from inside her car. When we told her we got the snorts from her too. On our way out of the movie and back to the car Jenn told me one more thing that this idiot had said, this time about me. So he asked her, "so you and Barb are pretty close eh?" and Jenn of course told him that we were close. I've told him that too. So knowing this he goes on to tell her that I keep getting him to sit with me at church. He made it sound like it was such a burden and annoying that I did this. I was only doing this because he just moved into the city and thought he needed friends. We're in the same ward and figured we could keep eachother company from all the crazy married people but apparently that's too much. Jenn even told him that she thought I was trying to be a friend because he didn't know anyone and he did say, ya, guess it beats sitting alone. I mean what the heck. The thing I don't get the most is that after having asked Jenn how close we were and she confirmed it where in that brain of his did he think that we wouldn't talk? Do guys really, honestly think that girls don't talk to each other. We even talk when we aren't that close. Honestly, so stupid, we are not the dumb ones, they are.

Sad Friday Nights

So, my stomach has been bugging me and I was trying to decide what I could eat. For some reason I was really craving chocolate but had limited ingredients to make anything. Most things required at least one ingredient I was missing, usually eggs. So I called my mom for a recipe she has for no-bake chocolate oatmeal drop cookies. I was sure I had the stuff for them and I did. It's not even that I wanted to eat many of them, just had a craving I had to satisfy. Honestly, I find it kind of sad that I sat around my house and did nothing but make cookies and watch tv all night. Now, I enjoy a good quiet night at home, but sometimes I find it sad to be home. Last night was one of them. At first I didn't want to go anywhere, but by the time I was done with the cookies and sat to watch more stuff, falling asleep doing so, I felt extremely pathetic that this was my life and was glad for the cookies. I'm a busy body and sitting around sometimes can drive me nuts, and last night it did. It's nights like that, that make being single and alone a pain in the butt. It was just a time when I didn't really want to go out, but having someone there with me would have been nice. Oh well I guess, someday soon!!

These are the awesomely easy cookies. Drop 'em and stick 'em in the fridge. I have 2 recipes I got from mom. One with Peanut Butter and one without. I used peanut butter, cause I love it!! The recipes are as follows:

Chocolate Delights
1/2 C Butter (or margarine)
1/2 C Milk
2 C Sugar
Mix all of above and bring to a rolling boil slowly (dissolving sugar first) for 1/2 a minute
add:
6 T Cocoa
Pinch Salt
1 t Vanilla
2 1/2 - 3 C Oatmeal
Drop with a teaspoon on a cookie sheet covered in wax paper and cool.

Oat buds (the ones with peanut butter)
2 C Sugar
3 T Cocoa
1/2 C Butter (or margarine)
1/2 C milk
1/16 t Salt
1 t Vanilla
1/2 C Peanut butter
3 C quick oats (not the instant ones!!!)
Mix Sugar, Cocoa, butter, milk & salt in sauce pan and bring to a rolling boil slowly for 1 minute. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla, peanut butter and oats. Mix well. Drop with a teaspoon on a cookie sheet covered in wax paper and cool.

Dreams and Beauty

Last night was a rough night for sleep. I was dreaming about work and all kinds of things to keep me awake. I hate nights when I dream about my day life like that. I even woke myself up talking in my sleep more than once. It was a very fitful sleep. It wasn't fun, but I got thinking about some pictures I've taken that I've wanted to post.

I totally love photography and have a great film camera, but these were taken with my regular digital camera. I haven't developed the film for these yet and there should be more cool pic's from those too. I'm hoping one day, before too long, to buy a digital SLR camera and take some photography classes to learn to use my camera's better. Now, I love rocks, water and trees. They are some of my favourite things and I just stare in awe sometimes at it. These are a few of my favourites from some recent trips to Waterton and Crescent Falls.

If I could go to these places every weekend I could. I love this stuff and feel so relaxed whenever I get there.

This is one of my favourites. It's my desktop picture right now. I find it absolutely beautiful.

I'm really really hoping that by next summer,

depending on finances of course, to have the great camera. I love pictures. I'm hoping to post some of my friends too. What would I do without friends? They are my lifeline and I want to show them off!!!